


To calm my anxious heart

by cicelywrites



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Comfort/Angst, Fluff, M/M, Self-Indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:42:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26154400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cicelywrites/pseuds/cicelywrites
Summary: Bokuto's anxiety is really bad. He never really showed it to anyone.And as Akaashi comforts him, he found solace with his words and with his warm embrace.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji & Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	To calm my anxious heart

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first ever bokuaka fic so im saying sorry in advance for the errors (;ŏ﹏ŏ)

**Bokuto Kotarou.**

Bokuto Kotarou is known for being loud, hyped, carefree, and all the words you can connect for him being a happy-go-lucky person. 

He's the mood maker around his friends together with his best buddy, Kuroo. He never failed to make everyone lying on the floor, cackling because of his jokes. He's basically the ball of sunshine to others. 

But of course, every people in this world hides a secret. And Bokuto Kotarou's secret, is he's not really happy. He's always putting a mask whenever he is with other people. 

It's funny how he can easily make his friends laugh, but when he's alone, all he can feel is pain. 

It's his talent. He's very talented when it comes to hiding his true feelings. He's afraid that once people know his pain, he might be a burden, and they might leave him. 

* * *

It was a rainy afternoon. 

Bokuto puts on his navy blue hoodie and gets out of his room. He has an umbrella with him. Being sick is not an option for him, it's a hassle, he thought. 

“You're going out again?” His step dad asked. 

“Yeah, I'm going now.” Bokuto hurriedly went out of the house before his irksome step dad will say anything that will annoy the hell out of him. 

While walking, he took of his phone out of his pocket and punched Kuroo‘s number. The other line answered the call after three rings. 

“Where are you?” 

[ _I'm on my way, dude. Want me to fetch you there?_ ] Kuroo replied. 

“No, I'm good. Take care," Bokuto answered. 

[ _Everything good, bro?_ ]

“Yeah, everything's fine! Why'd you ask?” Bokuto tried to make his voice cheerful so Kuroo can't be suspicious of anything. 

[ _You just sounded a little off. But oh, well. Take care dude.]_

He ended the call and kept on walking. The venue for their highschool gathering is near so he decided to just walk. And besides, walking while raining makes him calm. 

When he's near the venue, he felt an arm wrapped on his shoulder and a hand touching his hand holding the umbrella. 

“I'm sorry, did I shock you?” Bokuto glimpsed at the man who's sharing the umbrella with him. 

Of course, he was startled! But he didn't say anything to the other. 

“Are you perhaps, on your way to the gathering?”

The man was wearing a black turtleneck and plaid long sleeves. He's also holding a brown suitcase. When Bokuto glanced at him for the second time, he noticed that the guy had a black hair and his black eyes are luminously soft. 

“Uh, yeah.” Bokuto shortly replied. 

“Great, I'm going there too,” the man smiled at him, which makes his heart beat fast. “I'm sorry if I had to share with your little umbrella. I have my suitcase with me and this shouldn't be wet.” 

“No worries, it's fine! I don't mind, anyway.” 

The other's arm is still on his shoulder and still holding his hand. They walked fast until they reached the venue. 

“Thank you for sharing your umbrella with me,” the man faced Bokuto. 

“No problem. But your other shoulder got wet, though.” Bokuto stated. 

“It's okay as long as my suitcase is okay.” the other let out a chuckle. 

“By the way, aren't you going inside?” Bokuto asked. 

“I'm still waiting for someone. You can go in.” 

“Okay, I'll go now.” 

“See you there,” 

“Bokuto,” he smiled. 

“See you, Bokuto.” the other smiled too and Bokuto went inside the venue. 

Oh, shit! He forgot to ask his name. But, he's certain that he'll meet him again here. 

Bokuto met Kuroo in an instant and they sat at a table, casually talking with their other classmates when they were in highschool. 

“Kuroo!” someone shouted from behind. 

“Oh, you're here!” Kuroo stood up to hug his batchmate. 

Kuroo is the popular guy in their campus when they were in highschool. He likes to play with girls. And he's the President of their Student Council before, that's why everyone here knows him. 

On the other hand, Bokuto became famous for his God-like volleyball skills, and his crazy stunts that he pulled. He and Kuroo were called the _“Crazy BFF Jerks”_.

“Kou,” Kuroo called him. 

“Yep?” 

When he looked at Kuroo, he's surprised that he's close with the guy who he shared the umbrella with earlier. 

“He's Bokuto, right?” the other told Kuroo. 

“You know him?” 

“I met him earlier. But I forgot to tell my name.” 

“Yeah, I still don't know your name.” Bokuto mumbled. 

“I'm Akaashi. Akaashi Keiji,” Akaashi extended his hand, asking for a shake hand. 

“Bokuto Kotarou.” He smiled and gladly took it.

Akaashi's hand is surprisingly small, and soft. He actually thought of not letting go because he's comfortable holding his hand, but the other would be weirded out if he did. 

After their formal introduction to each other, Akaashi joined their table. 

“Good thing that you can still come here despite of your busy schedule?” Kuroo asked, pertaining to Akaashi. 

“I need to breathe, man. Law school is killing me.” Akaashi let out a deep sigh and drank his shot. 

He's studying law? Bokuto told to himself. I'm pretty sure that he'll be a great lawyer. 

They kept on talking and greeting their batchmates. Bokuto and Akaashi got closer during the whole reunion. They already exchanged numbers and their social media accounts. 

But then, good things have to end. In a blink of an eye, it's already two o'clock in the morning. Their other batchmates were already wasted. 

Bokuto didn't drink much. While Kuroo and Akaashi, are still sober despite of countless shots that they drank. 

“I gotta go, Kuroo, Akaashi. Be careful on your way home.” Bokuto said. 

“Are you alone?” Akaashi asked. 

“Yeah, my house is just around the street,” 

“We can drop you off at your house, Kou.” Kuroo offered while playing with his car keys. 

“No, it's fine. I need some exercise too, I ate a lot!” All three of them laughed. 

“You sure?” 

“Yeah, I'm sure. You can go now. Take care,” Bokuto turned his back on the two and put his hands in the pocket of his hoodie while walking. 

* * *

**[TW: ANXIETY]**

And now that he's alone again, the emptiness is slowly eating him up. He's like a lifeless person living inside one's body. 

After fifteen minutes of walking, he still hasn't went home. He stayed at the playground along the street where he lives. 

He used to sneak in his house at this hour just to came here and sit on the swing. He likes the peacefulness the playground brings. 

Suddenly, his phone vibrated. He took it out and opened the messages. It's from Akaashi. 

**Akaashi:**

_you already home?_

**Bokuto:**

_yeah. you?_

“Liar,” Bokuto was flabbergasted when he heard someone from behind. He threw himself out of the swing! 

“Oh my God, I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you.” When Bokuto looked at the man, it was Akaashi. He helped him to get up. 

“Why are you here? I thought you already went home.” 

“I followed you to make sure you're okay,” Akaashi mumbled. 

“Why wouldn't I be okay? My house is just near, you know.” Bokuto replied to him. 

They stared at each other for a moment until Bokuto looked away. Akaashi‘s eyes are too intimidating for him. It's like he's getting to know him without talking. 

“I think you're not okay.” 

“I'm okay, Akaashi. No need to worry,” He smiled at him to make sure that he's okay when he's really not. 

“I don't believe you, though.” Akaashi smiled at him too, making him tear up. 

Bokuto sat on the bench and looked up, trying to hold back his tears from falling. “Ah, I guess I'm not really good at pretending.” 

Bokuto's hands started to tremble. It's shaking really bad. His heartbeat is so fast that he can't breathe properly. His tears can't stop. He feels dizzy. 

His anxiety attacks are really bad. He never really show it to anyone. He's been dealing with it for too many years already. He didn't cry for so long that his heart hurts with every sobs he make.

“Hey, Kotarou.” Akaashi called him. His eyes are blurry because of his crying so he can't totally see Akaashi but Bokuto knows that he's really worried for him. 

Bokuto felt Akaashi holding his hands tight. He's rubbing his thumb on him. “I'm here, Kotarou. I'm here.” 

Akaashi kept on telling comforting words to Bokuto. It's new to him, and he found solace with every words that he said and in his warm embrace. 

After an hour or so, Bokuto managed to calm down. 

“I'm sorry for the sudden breakdown, Akaashi. You shouldn't have seen that.” Bokuto wiped his bloodshot, swollen eyes with his hands but Akaashi offered his blue handkerchief. 

“It's fine. How long have you been holding that?” 

“I don't really know. But it's been a long time since I last cried,” Bokuto softly said. 

“Are you okay now?” 

“I will never be okay.” Bokuto deadpanned. 

And then came a long silence after Bokuto said that. He felt Akaashi staring at him with his peripheral vision, he didn't look back, afraid at his gaze. 

He heard Akaashi sigh. And one thing he knew next, the other pulled him close for a hug. Akaashi was caressing his gray hair. Bokuto shut his eyes tight, comfortable with their position. 

“I don't have the slightest idea on what you're going through, and we just met today, but I'm here for you, Kotarou.” Akaashi whispered. 

“Thank you,” that's the only reply Bokuto can think of. 

* * *

Time went fast, the sun is rising while they are still in each other's arms. Bokuto fell asleep and Akaashi found it cute. It's a beautiful moment so he took a picture of it, and made it his phone's wallpaper. 

“You should've woken me up, Akaashi.” That's the first sentence Bokuto said when he woke up from his nap. 

“I don't want to. You look tired,” Akaashi said. 

“But...” Bokuto got up from Akaashi's shoulder and pouted. 

Akaashi chuckled. “It's fine, Kotarou. Aren't you going home now?” 

“I should be the one who's asking you that! You're a law student, every second to you is important.” Bokuto whimpered. 

The other can't resist his cuteness. Hence, Akaashi pinched his cheeks hard. “Hey, stop it!” 

“Let's get you home now,” Akaashi stood up and lend a hand on Bokuto. 

He smiled and gladly accepted it. They held hands while walking.

“We're here,” Bokuto stopped walking as they reached his house and so is Akaashi. 

“I'm going now, Kotarou.” Akaashi smiled at the other. 

“Thank you, Keiji. Thank you,” Bokuto said as he hugged Akaashi. 

“If anything like this happens again, call me. I'll be with you.” Akaashi muttered between their hug. 

And as they broke their hug, Akaashi kissed Bokuto's forehead and smiled. 

Bokuto entered his room, he smiled. And this time, it's not fake. 

He opened his phone to compose a message for Akaashi. 

**Bokuto:**

_take care :)_

Minutes later, the other replied. 

**Akaashi:**

_take care of yourself too, Kotarou. :)_

_call me if something happens, alright?_

_see you soon._

**Bokuto:**

_yeah._

_see you._

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading my fic!!! your comments and kudos are highly appreciated! ( ◜‿◝ )♡ BOKUAKA RISE!!! 
> 
> be friends with me:  
> [ twitter ](https://mobile.twitter.com/WOOZIV3RSE)


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